Sorry I've been a bit absent, both in my presence on this blog, activities with friends, and of my mind. It has been a month. Allow me to share a small portion.
I adore my family. If you don't get that while reading this blog, then you aren't really reading this blog. I love my folks and siblings. We get together often and have such a wonderful time together.
My dad has had a reoccuring problem over the past years. He is addicted to prescription medication. He has been to rehab numerous times. We have been so proud of him. We have stood by him. We have enabled him in a variety of ways. We have always loved him. He was an amazing father growing up. When he is well, he is an amazing Gramps to my kids. I can't even describe how much my kids love him, and how my heart is so happy when I see him teaching my kids how to feed baby birds, how to make boats out of sticks, how to enjoy God's creation. . . .
Recently, things have gotten bad. Dad's anger, combined with his misuse of medication, created an unsafe environment in the house for my mom. My brother and his wife with the complete blessing of the rest of the siblings, removed mom from the house for her safety. We are so afraid of what would have happened had she stayed. She did not leave my dad, we removed her. My mom is doing well. She is getting stronger every day. She is spending so much time with the Lord and enjoying His presence. She is safe.
My dad is at the house. We did have one night of contact with him. We wrote letters and with assistance from a pastor and addiction counselor, we told him what we saw and thought. We asked that he please go and get help so that we can get our dad back. Dad refused. Since that meeting, we are no longer in touch with dad. We made that clear in the meeting and need to stand by our word. He is choosing medication over his family. Let's be very clear.
Friends and family are supportive and critical of us Koemans. They tend to want to take sides. There is only one side. We are all on dad's side. We love him. We want him to get better. Despite his lying about my mom. Despite his assulting my brother and being arrested. Despite his anger towards us. . . we love him. We want him back and want him to get well. I want MY dad back, not this man hopped up on medication. If he would say the magic words "I need help" we would all get speeding tickets on our way to the house to hug him.
Will you please pray for our family? Will you pray for my dad? He is an amazing man. I am who I am today in part because of him. My creativity. My love for the outdoors. My desire to play rather than work. . . all that comes from dad. Our hearts desire is not divorce, it is that God's glory will be seen through healing of my dad and of my parent's marriage. Will you also pray for my mom? God has been very faithful to her and to us. We feel such peace.
Will you also forgive me for a bit longer: Please forgive me for not returning your phone call. Please forgive me for not keeping up on the blog. Please forgive me for being a little absent minded. I'm not myself and I know that. Please also understand that I will NOT respond in anger. I will NOT tear down my dad's reputation. I will NOT lie about him or for him anymore. Addiction is such an ugly thing. There is so much lying, so much savvy, so much sneakiness. . . well. . . we aren't keeping secrets anymore. I also won't give you all the "juicy details". God knows. Truth will rise.
Like my mom says: right now, our lives are fractured into many different pieces. God is who He says He is. He will put the pieces back together into a new and beautiful picture. It may take months or years, but we look forward to seeing His hand.
5 comments:
Wow! I am so sorry you and your family are going through this exremely difficult time. Thank you for your honesty and sharing so that your FAMILY in Christ can be there to pray for/with you!
Thank you for sharing, Shanda. I knew you were struggling but was waiting for your timing to share it. It sounds like your family is being wise and strong in the face of difficult situations. Hang in there - we love you!
we're praying for you guys! i know the 'real' dan-the awesome dan, the fun dan, the sincere, loving dan,the dan that we made sooo many memories with. i'm keeping THAT memory, THOSE memories! i know this is so hard for your mom and you kids but i know you also realize that 'the eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms' (deut. 33:27). hang in there-you have so many people that love you and are supporting you. i pray that we can welcome our old dan back soon!!! love you!
i ditto what my sister said.
praying and loving you....
thank you Shanda for opening your heart and sharing about what is happening with your dad. We ditto what all the others are saying and want you to know that we too are praying that our wonderful God will put back all the pieces of your hurting family and that your precious mother will get the strength she needs to face each day.
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