Making a list and checking it twice

I have many lists going--packing lists.

We are leaving for Disney World tomorrow morning!  It has been so busy and chaotic and we've been focused on other things. . .we were finally able to put packing lists together today.  Gary's mom is taking us to Disney as our Christms present.  Wow.  I'm so grateful already and we haven't even gone yet.  I'm excited to see her.

Mostly I'm excited to be with my family.  I'm going to watch my kids and just bask in their excitement.  I'm going to talk with Gary and hold his hand.  I'm going to love talking with my mother-in-law and learning and laughing with her.   Things have been so off lately. . .so stressful. . .God knew way back in March and this would be a wonderful time for us to get away as a family.

So see ya!  Enjoy your week.  I will too.  Hopefully my list is complete and we'll remember everything on it.  :)

P.S.  If you are praying about our adoption paperwork, thanks.  Would you please join us in petitioning God that our I-797 comes?  It is supposed to take 2-4 weeks and we are at 5 1/2.  Thanks. Hopefully when we return it will be in our mailbox.

Raw feelings

I was awakened early this morning by a bad dream: we had to leave for Disney and we hadn't packed, I needed to clean my stove (there was pea soup all over it), and I had a very nasty mosquito bite.  You can imagine the horror.  :)

As I was waking up I was flooded with thoughts from the day before and I knew there was no getting back to sleep.  Well then, 5:30 is it.  I began to pray, turned off my alarm, and decided to blog and read before Gary and the ducks get up.  We have a busy day.  We had a busy day.

I reached out to my Facebook community last night after receiving the news that we won't be traveling until April to be united with our son.  I keep saying the word "April" like it is a smack in the face.  My Facebook friends comforted me just like I was hoping they would.  I cried at every response and felt God's love wash over me as so many told me they were praying.  Prayer is amazing.  I know why we aren't traveling until then, but it isn't very kind to share it.  I might say something about somebody that isn't true or helpful.  We were also informed that some of our paperwork might be expiring so we'd better go get it sealed next week.  Sweet.

All of my tears surprised me in a way--in a good way.  When we first submitted to God that Michael was ours, I was glad that there was time.  I wasn't ready yet to have him in our house--to be a mom of five, so paperwork was fine.  As we've gotten closer to traveling my love for him as grown, and though I'm still a little scared for what lies ahead, I'm getting excited.  I felt the same way with my babies.  There came a point where I was finally ready.  Last week I told Gary that I was ready to have him home and excited to go and get him.  It was time.

And then suddenly it is not time. 

I'm thankful for that reaction because it shows how my heart has changed.  I've gone from sitting in God's plan and having a heart for an orphan boy that was going to be left behind to loving him and thinking of him as my son.  It is good.

God knows why we are going in April.  I'm feeling much more peace: thanks to my prayers and the prayers of others.  God offers peace and I'm sitting in it.  I'm thankful that Michael is in a wonderful place.  I'm thankful that he has plenty to eat.  I'm thankful that we can skype with him and that his caretakers will explain to him why we aren't coming yet.  (There are those darn tears again!)

We have a busy morning, so this extra early thing isn't too bad.  I'll prepare with some time with the Father and also plan a nap for this afternoon.  Gary is working all day so I'll need to gear up to be a single mama.  It'll be a good day.

Standing in Victory!

There is drama happening.  Serious drama.  About a month back I went through a very difficult time of spiritual warfare. . . all stemming from another neighborhood family.  I've claimed victory in Jesus and He has given it to me.

It's back.

Some of the circumstances are different, but the warfare is the same and the evil one is doing his best to disrupt my life again.  He.  Will.  Not.  Win.

NOT.  WIN.

In our Bible study this past week on Gideon, Pricilla Shirer had us work through a lesson on physical weapons vs. spiritual weapons.  We often fight with physical weapons when in reality, it is a spiritual battle and God is asking that we fight with spiritual weapons.  It may not have seemed logical to Gideon to use trumpets, torches and jugs to defeat the Midianites, but that is exactly what God asked him to go.  Not only that, but God gave victory in a very surprising way.

I'm claiming that today and enjoying God's peace.  I'm fighting with faith.  I'm fighting with prayer.  I'm praying for my enemies and for those who persecute me.  I'm enjoying the peace that only comes from trusting in the Lord.  I know that victory will come through God alone and I'm standing on that promise.

So I'm excited today and in the days that follow to see exactly how God takes care of this situation.    I'm sure that it will be cool. . . and nothing that I had thought of.

I'm also praying. . . well begging God to send our fingerprinting.  We were told it would take 2-4 weeks and we are now beyond that.  I have complete faith that this is o.k. and that God is knitting together our journey as only He can.  He knows the best time for us to go to China.  My faith that He has it hasn't stopped me from watching for the mail carrier and rushing to the mailbox.  :)  I'll praise His name when it comes. . . and I'll keep asking for it to come every day.  We are getting closer and I'm getting more and more ready to hold my Michael.

Blowing it

I blew it twice this week-end. . . well I know that it was more than that, but two times are rolling around in my head.  

One of the times I lost it with my kids, took something away, threw it down. . . and broke it.  My intent was not to break it, but I did.  I did.  I sat in the car with my kids while three of the three cried.  (For the blog record, Garrison was crying because he wanted a piece of the broken toy and I announced I was throwing it away.  A treasure is a treasure whether it is usable or broken!)  I hung my head and prayed for forgiveness and then I asked for forgiveness from my children.  "Anger isn't wrong" I explained.  "How I handled my anger was wrong.  I'm sorry."  We sat in a church parking lot while the tears subsided.  We prayed together.  Then we arrived late for school.  Good times.

I shared the story with a friend and she talked about grace.  Our book club at church is reading through Yancey's "What's so Amazing about Grace?" this fall.  Noel announced to me that two of her friends in her class were named after each other because each of them has the middle name "Grace".

Grace.

I offer it freely to so many, but beat myself up.  Two things this week-end. . . two poor decisions. . . two learning experiences. . . and I keep thinking about it.  It is great to learn from mistakes and from sin.  (One was a mistake and the other well. . . the anger in the car thing was sin.)  God is teaching me in so many ways and these are two of them.  Why is it that I accept His grace, but can't find it to offer myself grace?  Grace to not be a perfect mom.  Grace to mess up, but put a smile back on and keep going.  I may have to bring this up in book club.

Hi again

It's been way too long yes?!?

I'm back today with three Penny stories.  Are you ready?

1. I had conferences with Penny's teacher on Monday morning.  We prayed together and then she shared with me how Penny is doing in class.  She knows all of her colors and shapes (Yes. She. Does.).  What tickled me the most was that Mrs. Wolters handed me a paper and said that Penny was doing really well with cutting!  CUTTING!  It made me laugh out loud so much that Mrs. Wolters asked me what was going on.  I shared with her the pajama story and the tablecloth story.  That might Penny found a pair of scissors in the basement and proceeded to give one of Garrison's stuffed animal angry birds a haircut.  She was punished.  I laughed afterwards.

2. Last night at church we were finishing up dinner.  Promptly at 6:45 VBS music is turned on and all the kids race out of the gym for their classes.  The adult programs begin at 7:00.  It works well.  Both Noel and Penny were still finishing their dessert when the music sounded so I assured them they could finish and head downstairs when they were done.  After about a minute, the music was turned off so the adults could continue their conversations.  Noel finished, cleared her spot, and headed downstairs.  Penny and I chilled out.  Are we clear?  Here is a recap.  1. Kids gone.  2. Music off.  3. Penny still upstairs.  Penny finished her cake and said that she was ready to go down and she wanted to hear the VBS music.  I told her that the music was done, but she could still go downstairs and I would go with her if she wanted.  It was at this point that our friend Mr. Jones joined us as Penny's face fell.  She climbed over to me and laid her head on my shoulder and began to get teary.  She explained to Keith Jones and me that she needed her VBS songs!  She wanted to leave and couldn't without her VBS songs!  She wasn't hysterical or making a scene. . . she was just very very sad.  Sad Penny.  Then Mr. Jones stepped up to the grace plate.  "I can turn them on for you if you want."  "Keith, you don't have to do that.  We can work it out.  Plus, I don't want to bother all of these adults."  "So what?!?  I'm going to go do it." He got up.  "Wow.  Thanks.  Just put it on quietly, you don't have to be loud."  "Oh, it'll be loud."  You should have seen his smile.  I leaned in towards Penny and whispered that she should listen.  I wiped away her tears and we waited cheek to cheek.  The music blared and she jumped for joy.  "VBS songs mom!!!"  She danced her way out of the gym and I danced too as I followed her out.  I turned to smile my thanks at Keith.  The music lasted about 15 seconds.  It was only 15 seconds, but it changed the world for my daughter.  Most folks will never know why the music mysteriously came on again that night.  I know.  :)

3. After church on Wednesday nights the kids are all riled up.  It is hard to get everyone in bed and settled down.  Penny had a very difficult time.  Around 9:30 I finally crawled into bed with her and snuggled with her.  She told me that she could not sleep.  I didn't say anything, but I just began to stroke her hair and her face.  I watched her slowly settle down. . . watched her eyelids flicker. . . felt her body relax.  I thought it was about over until she suddenly opened her eyes and turned to face me.  We were both on our sides and facing each other with her almost asleep when she took both of her hands and put them on either side of my face.  Then she fell asleep.  I spent several minutes praying for her while she held me face loosely in her hands.  I can't believe that I get to parent this very special gift from God.  Then she shifted in her sleep and turned.  I carefully slid out of her bed and turned off her closet light (we are in a little bit of a scared phase).  She immediately woke up and cried and screamed for me to turn it back on!  Oh well. . . the moment was nice there for a little bit.  :)

Eggs and grace

Not one of my hard boiled eggs pealed well today.  Two of them are lost.  Just lost.  All that is left is the yolk--which I can give to one of my kids.  I forget who likes the yolks best.  One of them only eats the white and one only eats the yellows.

Do you have that?  Do you ever forget something about one of your kids?  Or friends?  I do.  I'll laugh and then move on.

Do you blame one of your kids for something because they are the ones the "typically" do it?  I found stuff in the bathroom downstairs.  Based on the sight and smell it has been there for some time.  I have one child in particular that neglects to flush.  As I was climbing the stairs after taking care of the offending mess and grumbling to myself and planning out the punishment. . . er. . . consequences for this child, I realized that it might not have been this person.  I'm quick to assume when it comes to my kids.

I'm quick to assume what they know--and I've often been surprised at how much then know!  My mom babysat for us last week-end and shared a wonderful story with us when we got home.  My kids were telling her all about how Jesus is our Cornerstone and what that means.  They knew a ton and I didn't have a clue.  I love that they are learning at both school and church, but I need to pay more attention I'm thinking.  I'm assuming and not asking and not listening.

Here is the deal.  I mess up all the time: with eggs, with kids, with being a wife, with being a daughter of the King.

My family will still have 10 strange looking eggs to eat.  My kids still think I know them best.  My husband still loves me and wants to be with me.  My God has not nor will not give up on me.  Grace.

Grace from Him, from Gary, from my kids. . . and from me.  I'll learn, give grace to myself and move on.  You can too.

Bit by bit

I cut out the box tops for education tag from the Honey Nut Cheerios box and put it in the baggie located in the top drawer.  It may not seem like much, but each time I cut out a top, our school gets ten cents.  There is a drive every January (I think) where the kids bring in their box tops. It is amazing to me how an entire school community can bring in so many little ten cent tags and the school ends up with over five thousand dollars.

Lots of little donations brings together big results.

I just totaled up the donations that friends have given to us for our adoption.  I hardly know what to do such generosity toward our family.  We have received donations from lemonade stands and from pop cans.  We have found checks in the mailbox from former students and found forty dollars in cash from an anonymous donor in our church mailbox on more that one occasion.  Friends popped in last Saturday and handed us a tithe from their summer work.  Several aunts and uncles have sent money as well.  The orphan care team put together the mannequin night at church in September.  Over and over again we have been blessed by the Father through the hands of others.

I am humbled.  I am grateful.  I am speechless.  Thanks.  Thanks for the donations totaling $12,662.63.  Thanks to those who have blessed us financially.  It is one piece of the puzzle, but it seemed like such a huge obstacle for me personally.  God has shown me through you that He is so much bigger than our biggest obstacle.  God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He sold many of them to help us.

The donations don't cover the entire adoption, but they go a long ways toward helping us. . . toward helping Michael.  He is worth more than any adoption process price tag.


I ran to the mailbox today to see if our fingerprinting approval arrived.  It didn't.  I still blessed God because we didn't receive a rejection letter.  We had our prints done two weeks ago and our approval will hopefully come in 2-4 weeks.  Of course I was hoping for today.

Thanks so much.  Thanks for being a body of believers who believe in us and believe in Michael and his place in our family.  We got his bed ready today!  Soon we'll be welcoming him home.

The practice of October 31

Last night my kids dressed up in costumes and trick-or-treated around the neighborhood.  I passed out candy and Gary walked.  In other years we have been elsewhere including my sisters house and church.  One year we were at a baby shower.  We've handed out pretzels (one kid was happy) and McDonald's coupons (no one was happy about that).  We've been intentionally gone so we wouldn't have to deal with it.

I've been seeing many commentaries posted on Facebook and various blogs about Halloween posted in the past two days.  There are such a variety of opinions, especially when it comes to being a Christian and "doing Halloween".  I sat in McDonald's on Tuesday with three women I respect and each of them had a different view; each family would spend October 31 in a different way.

Here is our deal.  Three years ago after being gone and not handing out candy, I had several families tell me the following day that they missed seeing me, missed seeing our kids.  Gary and I prayerfully talked about it and decided that we wanted to be intentional about our neighborhood and on the night of October 31, neighbors came to our house.  We would be home.  We would open our door and smile and greet and love the variety of costumes.  I would not fawn over the grizzly costumes that I didn't like--the evil ones.  Bring on the ladybugs and camouflage!  So the past two years we open the door and make conversations with the kids and the parents.  It is what we feel God has asked us to do.  Last night was good for us as we've been having some bus stop issues and I wondered if a couple of the kids would come to our house.  They did and I was able to smile at them.

I have another friend who turns off the lights and doesn't open the door.  She doesn't agree with the entire premise and has a distaste for all the folks who truck their kids in from parts unknown to pillage the neighborhood.  I respect her decision.

I have a friend who throws a party at her house and hands out candy to the kids at the party.  They do fall things and enjoy the night with pizza.  The kids have a great time and don't wander around the neighborhood begging and she doesn't answer the door.  I respect her decision.

Our church had an indoor night last night with pumpkin painting, photo booth, homemade doughnuts and all around great fun.  I loved it.  Though we weren't there, I saw pictures and know that it was a wonderful night and many people had barrels of fun.  I respect the folks who chose to participate and volunteer there.

God has given us many options for Kingdom work.  I'm glad that He led us to do one way of ministry for our family and others have been led to do something else.  Isn't that what we want to share with our kids?  Though there are some very right and very wrong things in the Kingdom, there are also many right ways to do things.  Worship, discipline, books, television, halloween and the list goes on and on--there are so many wonderful ways to use and teach and minister in each area.  Parents need to pray and think and then teach our kids.  We want to tell our children why we are doing something a certain way.  I hope that my kids engage with other Christian kids who are doing something a different way.  In many instances, both are right.

Garrison turned all of his candy in for four dollars.  Simon and Noel are still deciding if they way to take that deal.  (Keep ten pieces and turn all the rest in for five cents each.  That was our offer.)  Penny doesn't have a clue.

It was a fun night.  It was a wet night.  Today marks the first of November and I'm not so happy about it.  Good-bye October.  You are my favorite.