Haircut

I'm a pretty low maintenence gal. Tinted mouisturizer and a little blush (we've covered how pale I am in a previous post) are about all I've got. Why? First, it seems to fit me. Second, Gary likes it. Done.
So, last week Monday I got my haircut. I've been growing it out so that I can put it into a ponytail (low maintenence). I finally got it in a ponytail and I realized several things. First, I love that! It is easy easy easy. Second, I really don't look that great with a ponytail. Third, all I was doing was wearing it in a ponytail. I decided that there are times when I like to feel mildly attractive, so I found a picture that I adored on-line and went to chop it off. It is still low maintence which I just established is me. Yeah!

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I don't think it is short enough. I like it, but not entirely. Can I have a witness?!? I know some of you raised your hand. It's like the new cookie recipe that I made for Bible Study tomorrow morning. It isn't bad. . . it's o.k., but you won't be asking me for the recipe. Bummer. I was excited about that one too. My hair is the same way. It's o.k. You don't look and think, "bad haircut", but you don't really think it looks great either. It is a great cut (love Tina!), but I don't think that anyone will ask me for the recipe. So, I found a solution.

Gary is going to cut it. Tonight. In about 20 minutes. Yup.

I'll try and post a comment tomorrow after it is all "done up". Bible Study might be interesting tomorrow morning, and not just because Esther is absolutly amazing. :)

Socks

Yesterday was one of those days. I didn't do well. Do you ever have one of those days? I ate too much. Then I was unhappy with myself so I ate some more. ACK! This was a problem. I was so tired that I sent the three older kids downstairs and I laid on the couch. What a slacker! I also was a little crabby. Shh.

I don't like those days, but it does make me think about what triggered it, what I can do to change it, etc. I knew that things weren't well. I told Gary that things weren't going well, that I didn't feel well, that I ate two granola bars. I talked with God about it. Things gradually turned around and I even made myself go for a walk after supper which helped a ton.

Today I feel better. I have a new attitude because I chose to. I didn't like how I felt yesterday and I promised myself that I would make some better choices today. For one thing, I am eating so much better hence, I feel better. I also have on one green sock and one blue sock. Yesterday, I would have been crabby about this, but today I'm embracing it. I didn't want cold feet therefore I chose my warmest socks and there was only one blue and one green. I'm also wearing Gary's old scrubs from when he worked in the nuclear power plant and had to wear them. . . something about radiation. . .blah blah. . . our kids are all fine. It couldn't have been that bad as everyone has 10 fingers and toes. I'm comfy today. I'm happier today. Even though I looked silly picking up Noel from school, I decided that I didn't have to be perfect looking mom today. I am having some hair issues. . . .

Hope you are having a two different colored socks kind of a day as well.

Excited and Nervous

I received a facebook message last week from a friend. She and I taught Bible together at Chicago Christian. She asked if I'd consider being a speaker at a conference in Chicago in March. The topic? "Walking alongside others who are grieving."

Seriously, could this be more appropriate for the journey my feet are on at the moment? I shouldn't be so surprised that God would put this together, yet I can't help but feel so very amazed! I hope I never lose my awe and wonder of how God works. Their original speaker had a conflict, so she thought of me. I smile at that one. . . I don't think I would have been in a position to even think about speaking had she asked me last year. See how God works? She wanted me to know that I shouldn't feel like the second choice at all. I don't. I feel especially important because God orchestrated it all.

So in March many of the lessons that I've been learning over the past year and a half will be shared with folks at this conference. She asked that I share what I learned in Israel when our guide David died on our trip and we sat Shiva with his family. I thought I'd add lessons learned from when Gary and I suffered a miscarriage as well.

I'm excited and nervous! I am the only speaker without lots of credentials. I don't have training in this area. Rev. James Kok from the Crystal Cathedral will be speaking as well. Gulp. I am not really known in the area anymore, so perhaps no one will come to hear me. I have to speak for a whole hour! Yet, I feel this is a great opportunity from God. I love public speaking. . . I just never dreamed I'd be talking about grief. I'm jotting down ideas as they come to me and I'm talking with God a lot about it all. If you have any insight: something great or not as great that was said or done to you while you were grieving, I'd love to have you share it with me.

How cool that God is using some pretty tough times in my life to perhaps help and encourage others. Love it!

At this very moment

Right now, my oldest three are all in the kitchen and I'm trying to be a "yes"mom. Garrison has been washing the dishes. That is not the yes part. I know I'll have to re-do all of them, but he is having fun and learning about work. That was an easy yes.

He discovered as he washed baby bottles that if you put the top back on, it is a cool fountain. The fountain has been entertaining my three for awhile. . .. and has been getting my kitchen quite wet. I was about the put a stop to it, when I stopped myself and listened. Giggles. "Guess what guys!" "That is so cool." "Let me show you something." It is kind of a water fight. .. at some point it'll cross the line. I'm not sure what that looks like, but I'll know it when I see it. Oh, Simon just got hosed--and I gave a "stop" warning. Squirting in the living room isn't such a good idea.

Plus, I'm so tired. I was up for about 3 hours last night with Penny. Cold+pacifier=not breathing. Spitting out the pacifier+breathing=crying because the pacifier is out. Good times.

I'm a blond

I ran into a person of my past at Meijer today. (I really should write a novel detailing my experiences at the grocery store. I'll try and do that in my spare time.) It was a girl who I knew from my church growing up. We weren't in the same grade or even close to the same grade, but we knew each other. Blah Blah

As we were looking at the cold cuts, I turned and said "Hi Tabitha. It's Shanda Koeman." I've learned that when I approach people from my past it is best to just put my name out there. It saves us all possible embarrassment. "Oh hi. You're blond!"

I was taken aback. Let me share with you my hair history. I was blond from birth until about. . hmm. . .3rd grade maybe? Mom is that right? Anyway, I then grew darker and darker. I enjoyed years of perms. My hair always got lighter in the summer, then darker in the winter. Then, in college, I dyed my hair red as part of a dorm service auction. I toyed with the color red off and on, but was mostly my ugly dishwater brown. One winter day, I was at home and my dad asked if I was feeling o.k. I responded that I was. He thought I was looking a little pale. My mom replied that I always look like that. (Love you mom!) After my pale face moved to Miami to teach in 1995, I came to the conclusion that my dark hair did indeed highlight the paleness, but not in a good way. Since I was living in the Sunshine State, I decided to go blond and have been so ever since. Fifteen years of being blond--dying my roots every 6 weeks. Those roots now are changing color, but we don't discuss that. Many friends don't know me any other way. I don't really remember me any other way. I think that it why I was so startled at Tabitha's comment. Is this really me? I feel like it is. I have been toying with the idea of doing something crazy--a touch of orange in the back maybe. Of course, I tend to take something like this and analyze it. Are there habits I have that need to be broken? Are there things about me that are so ingrained that those around me don't really know the real me? Hmmmm let's just leave it with my hair. Today I'm blond. Tomorrow?

Little smelly

On the way to school this morning, I thought I smelled something a little. . . poopy. What?!? I thought. Penny already had a dirty pants this morning. . . seriously? I didn't bring the diaper bag (of course). Grr. Still, as I drove I kept smelling it and thinking. . . did I get something on my hands? I had gloves on. I smelled my gloves. I just washed these pants. . . I have been known to wear a pair of pants for five days in a row. Shhh--we won't discuss this. The smell seemed to go away, so I just forgot and paid attention to more pressing issues such as whether pot started with a "b" or a "p". As I'm assisting the boys in their classrooms, I would catch a little waft. Now I knew I had a problem. It couldn't be one of my kids farting in the car--it would have been nice to put the blame there. It is me. My breath? Please don't tell me that I have poop smelling breath and I don't know it. Once again I was distracted (Noel stop touching your sister!), so it slipped from my mind.

The girls and I headed out to Michael's because I'm trying get supplies for a craft that isn't working right. Grr. That is another issue. As we are driving--you got it--the smell. I begin to think and then I reached deep into my coat pocket. Nothing. I reach deep into the other coat pocket--ah--success! There is a baggie with Smokey's poop in it from when I took him for a walk on Saturday! I was happy and appalled at the same time. I'm so glad my breath doesn't smell like poop.

Yup, I'm good.

It's 8:44 and every person in this house is sleeping except for me. How about that!?! Kids are sleeping as usual and Gary turned in early. That guy--he was on call this week and got up really early Wednesday morning--and then he kept going and going and going. My little camper, just so tuckered out. :)

I got together with a friend yesterday and she asked me "How's it going?" I can answer "good" with all kinds of authority. I'm adore my Heavenly Father and love growing closer to Him. I'm very blessed by my Bible Study. Though I wish I could spend more time. . . especially for a longer period of time. . . with Him, we do walk through each day together. I find myself in a constant conversation with God and we regularly clap for Him. Yesterday, we were clapping for the beautiful snow.

Second, I have a great marriage. Today I heard about a couple who were separating. . . makes me so appreciate my guy. I do make mistakes. Two days ago I wasn't the first to greet him at the door, even though I knew he'd had a challenging day. He needed me that day and I blew it. I'm learning. I'm thankful he's a forgiving guy. I bought him flowers last week just cause I love him. Did you know he rubs my head or my feet or my back or holds my hands and massages them almost every night? WOW!

My Garrison lost his second tooth in a sledding incident last week. I was so excited about the tooth that I missed that fact that he had hurt himself. He's fine though. I was so glad it came out because he did NOT want to wiggle it. "It might hurt." He is very emotional, just like his mama. He loves greatly and I'm rewarded many times during the day with "I love you mom!" and many hugs. I'll take all that I can get.

I discovered something new about Simon this week. Last week it came up in conversation that my friend Nancy is a finisher. My mom is also a finisher. I admire those people. I sadly, am not. I'm GREAT at starting things. Anyway. . .back to my dear Simon. Simon is a finisher! See, there was a point. I hadn't thought about it before, but boy it has just hit me in the face over and over this past week. He has to finish picking up the basement before he can eat lunch. He gets so frustrated with me when I interrupt a task by announcing that we have to go, or put things away, or get dressed. He can't come and play a game with us until he completes what he is doing in his room. I love this about him. I think that we'll be teaching each other a lot. :)

My Noel. She insisted that her hair get cut this week. She does not want me to kiss her and promptly rubs it off. She needs to get a hug from me any time I leave without her. . .even to take the dog for a walk. She takes great care of her princesses (ranging from one to "many"). She rarely walks but rather skips. She has eyes that tell a greater story than her words. Every day with this child is a treat. Don't worry, there are moments of great "UGH!".

Penny. Penelope. This girl is so great! She is crawling all over and will crawl faster if you try to keep her from going somewhere she shouldn't. She got her first tooth yesterday. She is pulling herself up on her knees and only today figured out how to get back down. She gobbles up any and all food. Her smile is huge and it makes me smile. She still cries during the night at times, but can get herself back to sleep most of the time. I sometimes still have trouble believing that God decided to bless us with this little girl.

I have great relationships with my family. I have a house with heat. I am being blessed with new and strengthened friendships. I love the way my kids are growing and really like their school. I love our church. My toe is healed. I have 1/4 of a longhorn steer named Muddy Bravo in my freezer. It is good.

So often I find myself thinking about what I wish I had. There are so many things I could have or do that would make me happy. I find myself talking with God about it throughout the day. Many of them are noble: relationship building with my dad, growing friendships for my kids, job satisfaction for Gary. . .all things that are God honoring I believe. I need to be careful about some of the other things though. You know what I'm talking about. :) So, there is still lots of work to be done on this chica.

Yup, I'm doing good.