My thumb

Sitting at Bible Study this morning (a few tears shed this morning because God was talking to ME) I looked down and saw my thumb. Sounds strange I know, but it was my dad's thumb. I gazed at it and thought about my dad, about his hands and how I love them, and about our meeting on Sunday. Lots of thinking this morning I guess.

I had several friends tell me on Sunday that they were praying for me, for our family. I had several messages reminding me of prayers or asking how it went. I know there are more people who took up my blog challenge to bathe us with prayers. Thanks. This community of believers overwhelms me. I'm teary eyed right now. You bless me.

How did it go? I'm not sure where to begin. First let me say that I can only speak for me. I do not speak for dad, for my mom, or for my siblings in this post. This is Shanda. This is what I'm thinking and feeling. I'm feeling happy, discouraged, confused, sad, disappointed, hopeful, and so much more. Doing what is right isn't always the easiest. I don't know what I thought was going to happen or how I was going to feel, but it wasn't what I expected. . . what I wanted it to be. Perhaps I'm grieving that a little bit. In hindsight, I think I wanted it to go really well or go really bad. Instead, it was there. Dad seems to be doing well, I just wanted him to be doing better than what he is. I wanted us to function as a family. Truth is, we've been doing really well as a family. We've been learning and growing. We've been praying together and banding together. We are taking great care of each other. We are communicating in new and better ways. We are celebrating new lives together. Dad hasn't been there. Dad doesn't know. Dad throws a wrench into what has become a pretty cool machine. We've recovered from the initial trauma and have emerged so much stronger and better. The kicker is, he belongs in our family. He belongs in the machine. It is just hard to reorganize or re-purpose perhaps something that is quite beautiful, something that we've worked so hard to create, knowing that there are going to be lots of kinks and troubles and breakdowns ahead. It is hard. So. Very. Hard. Plus, there will always be doubt. In the end, I'll never be able to fully trust him again. I'll always be watching and questioning. Always.

Here is the phrase that was said over and over to me this morning by God. "Reversal of Destiny". God can and does come into our lives and change everything. . . in a moments notice. . . for His Glory Alone. It is all through the Bible. Abraham, Moses, Esther, David. . . they all worked. They tried their best. God made big things happen, He changed their destiny. He can do it with my family too. . . .He can do it for me! For right now, I need to pick up my head, grieve when I need to, and continue to look ahead. Yes, we are dismantling a really good thing. I need to celebrate what new and wonderful thing God is creating. I just wish He would hurry up. :)