Dear Simon

This is a picture of Simon with his diploma. He said his whole memory verse. Way to go!

I wrote this in Simon's journal this morning.

-Dear Simon-

Something happened yesterday that has never happened before.

You drew a picture for your teacher: Laura Zondervan.

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it is huge. You've been going to school since you were three. You haven't really enjoyed it. You've asked if you can stay home. You loved it when it wasn't your day to go.

This year in kindergarten, you've had to go every day. You've used words like "O.K.", "Not bad", "fine", and "good" when describing your day. Over the past few weeks, you've been more positive about school. Yeah! You've been smiling on your way to school. You've been enjoying Mandarin classes. You are a kid who loves to give to people you love and now. . . your maestra (teacher) has a picture from you. I'm so happy and grateful and excited. I hope it continues.

Love,

Mom

Confidence vs. Insecurities

Howdy!

This is my get-up. . . giddy up. For the past four years I've opened up our Wednesday night church program. I host games to introduce the various leaders of our kids' programs. Three of the years I've dressed up and acted all crazy. It isn't a stretch to think that I'm able to do this--I don't like to pass up an opportunity to dress up. :)

This year was a bit different. See that smile on my face? I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't excited about the games I had planned. I didn't feel like I was going to be effective. I felt that this wasn't going to be fun. This is it! I'm not going to do this again. In fact, the introduction of me sounded something like this. . . We again have Shanda! She has done this the past four years and we've come to expect it. Let's see what she has for us this year. UGH!

It went fine, but I didn't receive much of a response. The crowd was very chatty and didn't seem to really pay attention. One of the games failed pretty bad.

After everyone was in bed, I sat down to check e-mail, facebook and the like. I received a message from a friend. "You were awesome tonight. Thanks for all you are." It made me smile. Thanks. Then, at Bible Study Tuesday morning I received several comments about how much they had enjoyed my performance. One woman even stayed at church just to see it. Really? Seriously?

See, sometimes I'm super confident and sometimes I'm not. I can identify situations where I will always be confident and where I will always be insecure. Then there are the sometimes. . .

Bible Study began this week and next week we'll find out who is in our group. I feel like I'm in middle school: very insecure. Will I like those that I'm with? Will I have a leader who really challenges me? Will the women like me this year? (I'm replacing our very loved large group leader--YIKES and YES!) Will I get stuck with so-and-so? Insecurities.

We love to host folks at our house for supper. Love. It. We have a big shindig here tomorrow night which includes overnight guests from Chicago. Yeah! Sometimes though, I'm so nervous. Food. Conversation. Clean house. Will they have a good time? Did they feel it was worth the trip? Insecurities.

When I drop the kids off at school I see all these great moms, great women. I've gotten to know some, but some. . . they are so sweet and so put together and their kids are so great. Insecurities.

Yup, this girl ain't all put together. I'm sure there isn't a woman who is. So, I'm going to do something about it. Two days ago I received a facebook private message from someone who blessed me. She told me what she liked about me. It came out of the blue and boy. . was my confidence raised. I felt great. God took care of me in a very real way through her. Thanks chica. I'm going to bless others. Us women---we need to take care of each other and raise each other's confidence levels.

I'm going to walk into my party tomorrow night with my pumpkin t-shirt on and a true and confident smile on my face. I'm also going to try and bless all who are there. What will you do today for a wonderful woman in your life?

Chicken Post Script

I cooked up our first chicken for last night's supper. I thought I couldn't go wrong using my trusty crock-pot. I was right. This bird was amazing! I'm not sure what I thought it would taste like, but it was juicy and yummy. I also thought it would be a bit scrawny--these chickens were not kept in small cages so that they would get super fat. Our dinner had tons of meat. I also have my first batch ever (shocker!) of chicken noodle soup in the fridge. Yummy. I must confess though that my mind got the best of me at first. I was a little. . . ahem. . .nervous to take the first bite. I made Gary do it and he said it was good. Once I got it on my plate and out of the kitchen. . . I just enjoyed my supper. Three more birds in the freezer for later. Delicious.

Many thanks to those who commented (on the blog and off)--so glad that my cousin Jana remembers Grandpa Koeman butchering chickens! Sometimes I need to have a memory confirmed to make sure it really happened. :)

It's time to butcher. . . .seriously

Hello friends!

Gary, Garrison, Simon and I had the amazing opportunity to go to our friend's farm on Saturday and butcher chickens. Yes, that is what we did. Yes, it was amazing, and fun, and difficult, and tiring, and very very satisfying. The Mulders were wonderful hosts. Not only did they raise the chickens, they also had all the supplies ready to go and even provided lunch for the crew. All we had to bring was a knife and a willingness to learn. Several came and watched children. Several came and just watched. Most of us participated in every aspect of butchering. Both Gary and I were so blessed to learn something new. We loved working with others. I thanked the chickens for giving their lives so that I can feed my family. I remember watching my Grandpa Koeman butcher chickens was I was little. It seemed to be a little chaotic in my little head. This was very peaceful. We all worked together, put all the cleaned chickens together, and then divided them up in the end. It was a wonderful morning. Feel free to look at the pictures that follow but beware: there are dead chickens. If it bugs you, you might want to stop here. I will be talking some about how we killed them and the like. So seriously, I'm fine if you want to pass on this blog post. :) I'll put captions underneath the pictures.

We'll be eating our first bird tomorrow night. I'll let you know how it tastes. Enjoy!

Simon checks out the chickens before we get started. There were about 50.

Gary was the first to go, so we all watched how it went. We put the head of the chicken through a cut off top of a milk carton. This calmed them and kept them from flopping so crazy after they were dead. Then, we slit one of its arteries in the neck. It died very quickly.

Simon was very interested in how everything worked.

After dunking the chicken in hot water, the feathers came off quite easily. Gary is almost done plucking this one.

Then the bird was blow-torched to kill any salmonella and to take care of any random hairs.

Simon kept asking if he could get a chicken skull. He settled for a chicken foot instead.

I'm getting ready to do it for the first time. Notice how I dressed up for the big event. :)

Gary did a great job of teaching me how to gut the bird.

No gloves for this kid--Simon loved seeing all of the intestines and learning about how everything works inside of a chicken's body--and inside of his own.

Look at all of the birds that we've done!

Garrison wasn't as fond of the butchering, but he loved being out on the farm. He took many many MANY pictures of the chickens, cows, hay bales, squash, caterpillars, and trees. Love digital cameras! Love my boys!

Though it wasn't for everyone, I'm blessed to have had this experience. I hope that we are able to do it again sometime. Feel free to ask any questions--I love talking about it.

September 23

Yesterday I was talking with my mom on the phone and she mentioned that tomorrow was September 23. "I have written down that it is Baby Sprick's birthday."

Yes mom, you are right. Today is Baby Sprick's birthday. We talked a bit about how God has blessed me in so many ways. . . ways that I couldn't have imagined at the time. We continued our conversation, said good-bye, and I went about my day. Yet. . . I kept returning to September 23, 2004.

Gary and I decided to wait a few months after we got married before trying to have kids. We got married in June and come August, I asked Gary what he wanted for his birthday. "A baby." was his response. We did indeed get pregnant that month and for his birthday I gave him a "Happy Birthday Daddy" card. We cried and prayed together. A few weeks later we told our families and a few close friends. Ah, the joy of getting pregnant! The fun of announcing the news!

About four days before September 23, I woke up after having a very bad dream. . . although it was not bad during the dream. I dreamt that we had our son, that there was something wrong with him, and that God told me it was going to be o.k. I agreed with the Lord and He took our son. I woke up and began to cry and then woke Gary up. He held me and assured me that everything was going to be o.k.

September 23 I began to bleed and an ultrasound revealed that there was indeed no heartbeat. No heartbeat. We grieved, shared the news with the few folks that knew, and I took a few days off of school. It was awful. It was wonderful to walk through this with my new husband. It was physically painful. It hurt.

Here I am today, seven years later with four amazing kids. Kids that I adore and wouldn't trade. Not one of them would be here if we hadn't miscarried. We got pregnant with Garrison two months after the miscarriage. We decided to adopt in the months following. Child timing would have been different with Noel and Penny. Through it all our faith only deepened and we clung to each other and to God. One of the first worship services we attended following our loss included the song "Blessed be the name".

"You give and take away. You give and take away. Yet my heart will always say LORD BLESSED BE YOUR NAME."

I've blogged about this before. I don't think about it most days, yet today is a day where I've shed numerous tears. Gary and I have hugged a little longer and gotten weepy together. It is good for us to revisit and still hurt. It is good for us to remember how God took care of us. It is good for us to talk about our son who is in heaven. Though I'm not eager to go anytime soon, I'll be looking forward to meeting him someday. I'll introduce you. . . maybe I'll even blog about it. :)

We are losers

About 7 weeks ago, I posted about losing weight, about how I wanted to get back to where I want to be, where I'll be comfortable in my own skin. I believe I shared how I was going to be a part of a weight loss contest. Several of you posted support and I know that many of you offered support from behind your laptop. :)

Well, the results are in. Gary decided to join me in this venture and together we followed old school Weight Watchers. I love this program and feel so very good when I do it. We didn't go to meetings, but we did record our points and encourage each other. It was great to meal plan and know that Gary would be on board. Gary lost 19 pounds and I lost 11 pounds! In our contest, we were the first and second place winners! Plus, out of the six week contest, Gary and I won three of the weeks. . . meaning we lost the most out of the group for that week. Together, we brought home. . . . $360.00! Wow! We have giggled several times this past week.

When we initially invested the $30.00 a piece, I thought that winning the contest would be fun. I also knew that making a financial investment would be such good motivation. Even if we hadn't won, the thirty bucks was totally worth 11 pounds. Our group began again this past Monday and I'm in for another six weeks. If I could lose another 11 pounds I think I'd be close to where I want to be. Wouldn't that be amazing! Of course, it is hard at times. I made apple brownies (WOW!) last night and ate a nibble here and a bar there. I had to write it down and account for it. I did put them in the freezer this morning so I wouldn't snack on them. :)

So, six weeks from now, perhaps I'll have another glowing post. . . not from winning, but from the glow on this chicas face as I look better and feel better than I have in a long time.

It's a trampoline!

Yup, we purchased a trampoline. Gary got an amazing deal (no surprise there). We set it up on Wednesday and have been enjoying it Every. Single. Day. In fact, the kids are jumping on it right now and it is raining outside. I love love love it. I'm so thankful that we have it. I'm so thankful that our kids make up games and play together and get exercise. It is fabulous. Even the net, which I thought I wouldn't like, it great and has saved many a fall. Even Penny begs "up, up, up" and loves to run and fall on it.

Here is the rub. . . the last time I jumped on our family trampoline was. . . I don't even know. I grew up with a trampoline and we spent hours on it. Perhaps that is why I have been hoping for one of my own. I have great memories of jumping and can only recall two accidents. I could do flips, jump high, play tag. . . oh I was good. I wasn't as good as my sister Tricia (she could do a back-flip), but I was good. I'm still jumping and running outside to jump with the kids. I love playing with them. BUT there is a problem I'm having that didn't exist in my youth. I've birthed three children since I was last on a trampoline and my ahem. . bladder seems to be faulty when I jump, especially when I try to do flips. I'm taking precautions when I jump, but I have had to change an article of clothing on more than one occasion. What is up with that? What has happened to this 38 year old body? Why am I wetting my pants? I mean, if I was sneezing and jumping I could understand. . . . :) I'm not incontinent on a regular basis. I try to be a respectable member of my community. Should I own up to my age? Should I cheer from the side and take lots of pictures? Should I keep quiet? You know the answer.

I WILL keep jumping. I WILL keep taking precautions and changing my unders if need be. I WILL laugh and giggle and fall down with my kids. I'm proud baby--proud mama of four kids with the battle scars and weak bladder to prove it. :)