Yes mom, you are right. Today is Baby Sprick's birthday. We talked a bit about how God has blessed me in so many ways. . . ways that I couldn't have imagined at the time. We continued our conversation, said good-bye, and I went about my day. Yet. . . I kept returning to September 23, 2004.
Gary and I decided to wait a few months after we got married before trying to have kids. We got married in June and come August, I asked Gary what he wanted for his birthday. "A baby." was his response. We did indeed get pregnant that month and for his birthday I gave him a "Happy Birthday Daddy" card. We cried and prayed together. A few weeks later we told our families and a few close friends. Ah, the joy of getting pregnant! The fun of announcing the news!
About four days before September 23, I woke up after having a very bad dream. . . although it was not bad during the dream. I dreamt that we had our son, that there was something wrong with him, and that God told me it was going to be o.k. I agreed with the Lord and He took our son. I woke up and began to cry and then woke Gary up. He held me and assured me that everything was going to be o.k.
September 23 I began to bleed and an ultrasound revealed that there was indeed no heartbeat. No heartbeat. We grieved, shared the news with the few folks that knew, and I took a few days off of school. It was awful. It was wonderful to walk through this with my new husband. It was physically painful. It hurt.
Here I am today, seven years later with four amazing kids. Kids that I adore and wouldn't trade. Not one of them would be here if we hadn't miscarried. We got pregnant with Garrison two months after the miscarriage. We decided to adopt in the months following. Child timing would have been different with Noel and Penny. Through it all our faith only deepened and we clung to each other and to God. One of the first worship services we attended following our loss included the song "Blessed be the name".
"You give and take away. You give and take away. Yet my heart will always say LORD BLESSED BE YOUR NAME."
I've blogged about this before. I don't think about it most days, yet today is a day where I've shed numerous tears. Gary and I have hugged a little longer and gotten weepy together. It is good for us to revisit and still hurt. It is good for us to remember how God took care of us. It is good for us to talk about our son who is in heaven. Though I'm not eager to go anytime soon, I'll be looking forward to meeting him someday. I'll introduce you. . . maybe I'll even blog about it. :)
2 comments:
Love you girl!!! Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks for sharing. I had never heard these details before, and it gives fresh perspective on the first years of your marriage and family life. :) Love you!
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