Confidence vs. Insecurities

Howdy!

This is my get-up. . . giddy up. For the past four years I've opened up our Wednesday night church program. I host games to introduce the various leaders of our kids' programs. Three of the years I've dressed up and acted all crazy. It isn't a stretch to think that I'm able to do this--I don't like to pass up an opportunity to dress up. :)

This year was a bit different. See that smile on my face? I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't excited about the games I had planned. I didn't feel like I was going to be effective. I felt that this wasn't going to be fun. This is it! I'm not going to do this again. In fact, the introduction of me sounded something like this. . . We again have Shanda! She has done this the past four years and we've come to expect it. Let's see what she has for us this year. UGH!

It went fine, but I didn't receive much of a response. The crowd was very chatty and didn't seem to really pay attention. One of the games failed pretty bad.

After everyone was in bed, I sat down to check e-mail, facebook and the like. I received a message from a friend. "You were awesome tonight. Thanks for all you are." It made me smile. Thanks. Then, at Bible Study Tuesday morning I received several comments about how much they had enjoyed my performance. One woman even stayed at church just to see it. Really? Seriously?

See, sometimes I'm super confident and sometimes I'm not. I can identify situations where I will always be confident and where I will always be insecure. Then there are the sometimes. . .

Bible Study began this week and next week we'll find out who is in our group. I feel like I'm in middle school: very insecure. Will I like those that I'm with? Will I have a leader who really challenges me? Will the women like me this year? (I'm replacing our very loved large group leader--YIKES and YES!) Will I get stuck with so-and-so? Insecurities.

We love to host folks at our house for supper. Love. It. We have a big shindig here tomorrow night which includes overnight guests from Chicago. Yeah! Sometimes though, I'm so nervous. Food. Conversation. Clean house. Will they have a good time? Did they feel it was worth the trip? Insecurities.

When I drop the kids off at school I see all these great moms, great women. I've gotten to know some, but some. . . they are so sweet and so put together and their kids are so great. Insecurities.

Yup, this girl ain't all put together. I'm sure there isn't a woman who is. So, I'm going to do something about it. Two days ago I received a facebook private message from someone who blessed me. She told me what she liked about me. It came out of the blue and boy. . was my confidence raised. I felt great. God took care of me in a very real way through her. Thanks chica. I'm going to bless others. Us women---we need to take care of each other and raise each other's confidence levels.

I'm going to walk into my party tomorrow night with my pumpkin t-shirt on and a true and confident smile on my face. I'm also going to try and bless all who are there. What will you do today for a wonderful woman in your life?