I have been yelling WAY TOO MUCH! It is certainly not my fault---totally my kids. . . o.k. I will take some ownership of the yelling. As I walked away from Garrison this morning after letting him have it I wondered why? Why did that set me off?
I'm still not sure, but I have yelled a couple more times since then. I've also been super patient and helpful. I've had fun. I made a special spring break snack. It wasn't a huge success, but we laughed about how we can try new things sometimes and it might not work out. I figure I might as well live out a lesson in front of the kids. They seemed cool with it.
I think that it is the expectation of it all. Simon struggled yesterday after school because he walked in and right away asked to play his birthday Lego Wii game. I said "no, not right now" and he didn't handle that well. He had it set up in his head. He was so excited and then. . . well then he couldn't play. I love my kids and love being with them. I love having them home, but perhaps my expectations for the day didn't match up with what was happening. My "to-do" list doesn't have many things being crossed off of it. (Blogging is on the list, so this is fine that I'm sitting and typing.) In some ways having everyone home takes less effort and in other ways, it is a ton more effort!
Perhaps I'm a bit off because I'm hearing about so much suffering lately! My heart just aches about it all. Families that are grieving (an on-line adoption friend heard the news that her son had died just a few weeks before they were to fly to Eastern Europe to get him). Women in the world that are suffering (I couldn't go to see a movie with my friend Rebecca because I knew my mind just couldn't handle it--but the value placed on women in India just overwhelms me with sadness). All the drama and shouting and speculating and hatred with little bits of light thrown in here and there regarding same-sex marriage causes me to shake my head and pray for all. I was a single parent last night and because of no nap issues it just didn't work for our family to go to church last night. I wanted to go. I missed going. It. Is. Hard.
Maybe. . .just maybe this is a great place for me to be today. Maybe on Good Friday I need to be in a yucky place. Maybe I need to feel the pain and grief in my heart. Maybe I need to look up and see my Lord as He knows EVERY possible pain and grief and injustice.
Easter will come. I wonder if in the midst of the awfulness on the cross His mind gave a little smile inside as He pictured going home to His Dad and then surprising His friends on Sunday. I get to sing the Hallelujah Chorus on Sunday. I'm in the nursery, but a friend is going to slip out and relieve me so I can go into the sanctuary to sing. I'm going to smile. I'm going to celebrate. I'm going to thank my friend. I'm going to thank my Lord. He exceeds my expectations! Amen.
3 comments:
Garrison made a book for me after the "yelling". Inside the front cover it said "I love mi mom mi mom love's mi tou." On the facing page was a picture of the two of us with big hearts and him hugging me. Love his forgiveness.
I don't want to burst your happy moment, but I just got an email from Sharon about something else and it said that they weren't doing the Hallelujah Chorus on Sunday because they didn't have enough people that could be there who would plan on doing it. Sorry!
Our day has been exhausting as well. It's been fun on and off, but I'm definitely tired already!
Ah, yes. Getting everyone's expectations on the same page is the most difficult thing about break! Ellie was bawling as we walked out of school because she wanted to go to Florida! We decided to enjoy the current temps and just be outside. Any outings or video game parties will happen next week!
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