Actions

Actions speak louder than words.

Faith without works is dead.

We've heard it, we know it in the deepest part of ourselves. We get when someone really loves us. It feels great to hear the words, but if it isn't backed up with actions. . . then we know the truth correct?

I've been thinking about this so much lately. . . it has taken up a ton of my prayer time. It began with my dad, but it has traveled over into my own life. It isn't always easy to see error in my own life, but it has been so great for me. I need to improve. It began with dad asking my mom for a reconciliation. That is a cool word. It is a healing word. It is a forgiving word. In fact, many of his words sounded wonderful. . . the kind of words that we dream of hearing. "love. . . missing you. . . sorry" The problem? We've heard these words before, and they are just that: words. They need to have some weight behind them, some sort of action. Sadly, there has been no action. Dad hasn't called off the divorce. Dad hasn't shown love to my mom.

It was very easy to be sad, angry at times. . .lots of grieving, lots of hoping, lots of disappointment. I keep feeling like I'm living in a movie where there will be a happy ending. . . there has to be right? Reality hits and I have to acknowledge that there might not be the happy ending that I'd like. Gary loves to tease me about wanting to know the end before I see a movie. . . I wish I could do that here. I know that God is so very good. I know that He has purpose. I know that all things work for good. . . it just might not be what I think would be good.

I can tell you one good thing that came from the past couple of weeks: I'm changing! In my time with the Lord, I've been convicted that I'm guilty of the same thing as my dad. Imagine that?!? I'm very good at telling my kids that I love them, but perhaps I need to do better at showing them. They need to hear and feel and see and taste and . . . . I found myself getting wrapped up in doing the household stuff, of doing the stuff that I wanted to do, of trying to get the kids to school on time, of trying to coupon, of trying to prepare healthy and tasty meals, of being pregnant, of of of of of that I wasn't backing up my words like I should have. I tell my kids every day that I love them, and now I'm trying to show them more. I'm taking a break to sit and read a story. I try to play a game with them every day. I put on my boots and all the other paraphernalia and build a snowman in the backyard. I take a break from this blog so that I can eat some pretend candy that Noel made just for me (it was delicious). Sure, there are times when I need to work on something else to keep this house functioning--of course, but my kids are feeling and seeing my love more these days. Thanks Lord for the conviction.

I called Gary last week and he answered the phone this way, "I was just thinking about you." "You were? What were you thinking?" He answered with some of the most beautiful words I think I've ever heard from him. He said, "I was just thinking about how I could show you that I love you today." He gets it.