Blowing it

I blew it twice this week-end. . . well I know that it was more than that, but two times are rolling around in my head.  

One of the times I lost it with my kids, took something away, threw it down. . . and broke it.  My intent was not to break it, but I did.  I did.  I sat in the car with my kids while three of the three cried.  (For the blog record, Garrison was crying because he wanted a piece of the broken toy and I announced I was throwing it away.  A treasure is a treasure whether it is usable or broken!)  I hung my head and prayed for forgiveness and then I asked for forgiveness from my children.  "Anger isn't wrong" I explained.  "How I handled my anger was wrong.  I'm sorry."  We sat in a church parking lot while the tears subsided.  We prayed together.  Then we arrived late for school.  Good times.

I shared the story with a friend and she talked about grace.  Our book club at church is reading through Yancey's "What's so Amazing about Grace?" this fall.  Noel announced to me that two of her friends in her class were named after each other because each of them has the middle name "Grace".

Grace.

I offer it freely to so many, but beat myself up.  Two things this week-end. . . two poor decisions. . . two learning experiences. . . and I keep thinking about it.  It is great to learn from mistakes and from sin.  (One was a mistake and the other well. . . the anger in the car thing was sin.)  God is teaching me in so many ways and these are two of them.  Why is it that I accept His grace, but can't find it to offer myself grace?  Grace to not be a perfect mom.  Grace to mess up, but put a smile back on and keep going.  I may have to bring this up in book club.