30

Happy Saturday night to you!  The kids are down.  Penny has crawled out once and I anticipate that I'll interact with her several more times tonight.  Garrison can't sleep because he has images from Star Wars going through his head.  Noel is out cold.  Noel needed to sleep since 2:00 this afternoon.  It took her less than 3 minutes to fall asleep.  Simon keeps peeking over the edge of the top bunk trying to tell Garrison good things about Star Wars.  I just want them to be done.  Sleeping.  It will happen--it is one of my favorite times of night.  Gary and I wrap up our work and then spend time together.  Cuddling on the couch is on the agenda for tonight.  We will also do some praying and talking together about some decisions we need to make.  I'm looking forward to it.

Permit me to walk down memory lane one more time.  If you don't want to hear about my birthday again, then good-night!  Thanks for stopping by.

Ten years ago this week I celebrated my 30th birthday.  I know--shocker.  :)  I celebrated it in a very unique way though.  See. . . while in my 20's I made some marvelous life long friends at Camp Roger.  The place changed my life and I consider it one of my homes.  Many of the counselors were in their mid-20's and single--at bit of a shocker at the time in West Michigan.  We formed a singles pool and had "pool rules".  We each chipped in twenty bucks and the last one to get married would get all of the money.  There were over 20 of us. . . so big bucks!  One rule was that if you married someone within the poo,l and you hadn't been dating when you entered, then you earned a bonus of $50.00 for knocking out two people.  That happened once.  When you got married (and we have all married since), you were given a gravy boat as a gift from the members of the pool.  Another rule was that if you turned 30 and weren't married, then the folks in the pool would throw you a shower.  I received a shower.

I can't tell you how much fun that shower was.  Here I was a Christian school teacher living by myself.  I still had college debt.  I was using pots/pans that I had gleaned over the years.  Many folks in Miami had donated apartment wares to my friend Karen and I when we were in Miami, and I was still using them.  I was fine.  I loved my job.  I loved working with high school kids during the year and being at Camp Roger during the summer.  I also loved walking through Bed Bath and Beyond with a gun and shooting things that I was interested in.  It wan'ts about the stuff, it was about being treasured.  I was loved on by my friends.  They went out to a store and purchased a present for me to tell me that they loved me and I was worth nice plates.  Candles, silverware, towels, sheets, dishes. . . I was given them all.  Mostly I was given a huge group hug from some of the most important people in my life.

It was one year later that I began dating Gary.  My how my life has changed!  As I think back to my last significant birthday, I'm so grateful.  Sure I love my life now and am in love with my guy.  I can't believe that God chose him for me.  I still have wonderful friends from Camp Roger who are an active part of my life.  We are friends for life.  30 year old Shanda was hurting though and needed that shower.  She needed to feel value as a single person when the world often told her otherwise.

Because I was single much longer than "the average female", I did struggle.  There were times I would cry out to God to give me a man who would love me back.  I" fell-in-like" with many of my wonderful guy friends, and they never returned my affection.  I would give it to God and feel peace, and then my heart would turn all over again.  I had come to a point where I thought I would never get married and have children, or I would be a grandmother without ever having been a mother.  Surely there would be a widower who would marry me when we were in out 70's?!?  I did also enjoyed many of my single times and would cringe would folks would ask "When are you going to get married?"  I enjoyed two Biblical tours and was able to live in Jerusalem for a month while studying.  I lived in both Miami and Chicago.  I could go on spontaneous outings because I was only accountable to God--World Series games, a week-end trip to New York City, thanks for your condo in the Keys, assisting at so many after school activities!   God always has surprises for those who adore Him, though they may not always be our choosing at the moment.

As a single adult I loved it when I was invited to be a part of groups where married people were gathering.  I didn't cease to exist because I was single.  I loved it when the evening didn't revolve around one's children.  I loved being asked to dinner. . . and not being asked to babysit.  I didn't like it when it was assumed that I was gay.  I didn't like it when conversations about sex ceased because I had arrived.  (I taught sex ed.  I was aware of some of the issues.)  This may be a surprise to some of you: every single person is different.  Some want to be set up.  Others don't want you to mention it.  Some want to come to your house for dinner and eat with your family, for others this is the last thing they want to do.

What is the point of all of this?  Well. . . love the single people around you.  It can be challenging to find a church where you are enveloped.  Some vacillate between emotions of "I'm loving this/I'm hating this" all the time.  Married folks can feel the same way.  Please just don't forget them.  Find time to be with them.  Don't just connect with them when you want something.  I wasn't forgotten by my friend,s and I still have some wonderful gifts as a reminder to me--including a table that was mosaiced (a noun I made into a verb) for me.  A group of six girls got together and made it for me.  One of kind--special.  It will not leave my house.  It is a constant reminder to me of how God used my friends to love me.

May God use me and you to bless the single people in our lives.