This is how I've been

And so it is snowing.

The kids are in bed, but not sleeping yet.  It'll come.  Gary is off to his Bible Study.  I've had a cup of tea and am working hard to avoid the kitchen.  I've been convicted that I haven't been practicing self-control in the area of eating.  I've been convicted from God's Word and from my jeans.  So. . . the kitchen is closed.

Friends visited this week-end and we had a ball.  Chicago folks who come once or twice a year.  Saturday night we were chatting about how I felt now that I was 40.  I shared about how my life has changed so very much every decade of my life and I feel like my 40's aren't going to be full of change.  That feels strange to me.  Antoinne smiled and offered me this encouragement.  "You are simmering."  He knows.  He'll turn 50 next year.

I love my new word and have found myself really settling into it.  I'm going to simmer.  I'm going to "cook" my kids until they are ready to come out of our house.  10 years from now I'll have a 17, 16, 15 and 12 year old.  I'm praying I don't boil over.  :)  I plan to simmer in my relationship with God.  I'll grow richer as we spend more time together.  There will be new layers that can be added to other dishes.  I'm excited to see what He'll do.  Simmering means that I'm not all hot and bothered about so many things, but I won't get too cold. I won't stop caring.  How will I change my world?  What issues will be my passion?  Continued energy.  Simmering.  I like it and think I'll own it.  It might be really good to step away from the highs and lows and just do what I need to do---and do it well.  Simmering cooks food. . . gets it done. . . makes things delicious.  I'm going to try and make my life delicious.

I played a new version of hide-n-seek with Penny this afternoon.  While she counted I hid in the living room underneath a blanket.  I love to peek out so I can see her face when she finds me.  Her eyes and mouth get very wide and pure joy comes rushing out.  It puts pure joy on my face too and we laugh together.  This time however, she was plain giddy with my hiding place and rather than "mommy turn to count", she declared she would count again and I was to hide again in the same place.  We must have done this over 10 times.  She would begin to walk backward down the hallway while "covering" her eyes.  She was making sure I wouldn't leave.  As she reached 5ish, she would sit down at the end of the hallway and finish counting.  At her "ready", she would begin to sneak towards me and tap my knee when she found me.  I'd pull down the blanket and we'd laugh and laugh together and then repeat.  Joy.  Pure joy at finding your mama when you knew she was there all along.  I silently thanked God for both my daughter and for always hiding in the same place.  I can always find Him.  I know I get so excited when I get to see Him.  I'm sure he laughs with me.  It is a memory I'll treasure and I'll love to tell her how we used to play when she is older.

Hope that you can simmer this week.