I'm tipping my hat to single parents.
You don't have someone to give you a moment off.
You don't have someone else to brush the teeth of your children.
You don't have someone to give a wink to or roll your eyes at.
You don't have someone to help you load up breakfast plates, or lunch plates, or supper plates.
You don't have someone to help you cut up food.
You don't have someone to help you put the dishes away.
You don't have someone to ask for advice about discipline.
You don't have someone to crash on the couch with after all the kids are in bed.
You don't have someone else to watch the kids while you shower.
You don't have someone else.
I grieve for my friends who are new widows. I grieve for my friends who are separated or divorced. I respect you and can't even begin to know how difficult and challenging and frustrating is can be for you.
I've been a single parent for two days. It is going great. Great. Really and truly. I know though that my Gary will be returning on Tuesday. I know that I need to have the patience of two parents for only two more days. Not everyone gets that opportunity.
God bless you.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
12 dollars
I just spent 12 dollars that I shouldn't have spent. Ugh! I could have gotten so many other things with $12.00. That would have been a shared dinner for Gary and I. I could have fed my family for a day. I could have sponsored someone somewhere. I could have bought a terrarium or gotten pictures of my dearly loved blown up and plastered them all over my sliding glass door. Twelve dollars.
Gary is leaving tomorrow to go and see Jerry: his biological father. Though they aren't close and Gary doesn't consider him to be his dad,but they do have a relationship. Jerry is dying and has asked to see three people before he passes--Gary is one of those people. Gary flies out tomorrow and comes home on Tuesday night. Would you join me in praying for a big thing. . . a really big thing. . . the biggest thing ever? Jerry knows who Jesus is, but doesn't have a relationship with Him. I really believe that God is using Gary to share the joy of Jesus with Jerry. I get so emotional when I talk about it. I'm praying and praying that the Holy Spirit washes over both Gary and Jerry! This is big stuff: eternal stuff. I'm so honored that God would use my husband for a job such as this. Auntie Annie doesn't know Jesus either so I'm praying that Gary can share with her again the Good News! What a huge four days! I also recognize that Gary is willing, but Jerry and Annie both need to make the choice to ask Jesus into their hearts. Oh--pray with me!
So with Gary leaving, I wanted to get him some candy for the trip. I love my man. I know that he really likes good chocolate. I had to volunteer in the boys' class this afternoon, so we headed to the candy store afterwards to pick up some chocolate for daddy. The candy store is dreamy for kids--and makes them ask the same questions over and over and over and over. The candy store also has buttons and lids and pull things for Jelly Bellies. The sign says "you pull you pay". Garrison can't read that yet. He is six. He is curious. He sees a pull and pulls it. Out falls over a pound of Jelly Bellies. Aye! I know own $12.00 of chocolate ice cream jelly bellies. Not sure that Gary will like those. I also threw away $.25 because I let the boys each pick out something and Simon left his at the store. Awesome.
Gary is leaving tomorrow to go and see Jerry: his biological father. Though they aren't close and Gary doesn't consider him to be his dad,but they do have a relationship. Jerry is dying and has asked to see three people before he passes--Gary is one of those people. Gary flies out tomorrow and comes home on Tuesday night. Would you join me in praying for a big thing. . . a really big thing. . . the biggest thing ever? Jerry knows who Jesus is, but doesn't have a relationship with Him. I really believe that God is using Gary to share the joy of Jesus with Jerry. I get so emotional when I talk about it. I'm praying and praying that the Holy Spirit washes over both Gary and Jerry! This is big stuff: eternal stuff. I'm so honored that God would use my husband for a job such as this. Auntie Annie doesn't know Jesus either so I'm praying that Gary can share with her again the Good News! What a huge four days! I also recognize that Gary is willing, but Jerry and Annie both need to make the choice to ask Jesus into their hearts. Oh--pray with me!
So with Gary leaving, I wanted to get him some candy for the trip. I love my man. I know that he really likes good chocolate. I had to volunteer in the boys' class this afternoon, so we headed to the candy store afterwards to pick up some chocolate for daddy. The candy store is dreamy for kids--and makes them ask the same questions over and over and over and over. The candy store also has buttons and lids and pull things for Jelly Bellies. The sign says "you pull you pay". Garrison can't read that yet. He is six. He is curious. He sees a pull and pulls it. Out falls over a pound of Jelly Bellies. Aye! I know own $12.00 of chocolate ice cream jelly bellies. Not sure that Gary will like those. I also threw away $.25 because I let the boys each pick out something and Simon left his at the store. Awesome.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
He did it!
Garrison is afraid to pull out his teeth. I probably was too. Up until five days ago, he had lost two. The first one he swallowed and the second came out when his face got hit by a sled.
This past week-end, his top two teeth were both hanging. On Monday afternoon Simon punched Garrison in the face and Garrison rejoiced because his tooth came out! Yeah! (Garrison wasn't upset at all-and neither was I. Simon was excited to have punched him.)
Then, Garrison comes home from school on Wednesday and his tooth is just hanging on, but he can't bring himself to pull it out.
Gary offers up his pliers. I laugh and laugh. Could he really do it? We all trooped off to the bathroom to serve as witnesses.
Lo and behold--HALLELUJAH! He did it. With everyone looking on, he did it! He was as shocked as anyone else and we all celebrated.
Now we are off to the Dollar Store for marbles and one shooter. "Mom, you can get a bag of marbles and one real shooter!" He has to spend his dollar coin that he received for his tooth. (He spent the first dollar on TicTacs. Seriously? TicTacs? His money = his choice.)
I really think kids with two missing top teeth are the most adorable ever. I make Garrison smile at me so many times a day. I can't get over it and I giggle when I hear him talking. I'm sad that I can already see his grown-up teeth coming in. I was hoping for a few gummy months.
This past week-end, his top two teeth were both hanging. On Monday afternoon Simon punched Garrison in the face and Garrison rejoiced because his tooth came out! Yeah! (Garrison wasn't upset at all-and neither was I. Simon was excited to have punched him.)
Then, Garrison comes home from school on Wednesday and his tooth is just hanging on, but he can't bring himself to pull it out.
Gary offers up his pliers. I laugh and laugh. Could he really do it? We all trooped off to the bathroom to serve as witnesses.
Lo and behold--HALLELUJAH! He did it. With everyone looking on, he did it! He was as shocked as anyone else and we all celebrated.
Now we are off to the Dollar Store for marbles and one shooter. "Mom, you can get a bag of marbles and one real shooter!" He has to spend his dollar coin that he received for his tooth. (He spent the first dollar on TicTacs. Seriously? TicTacs? His money = his choice.)
I really think kids with two missing top teeth are the most adorable ever. I make Garrison smile at me so many times a day. I can't get over it and I giggle when I hear him talking. I'm sad that I can already see his grown-up teeth coming in. I was hoping for a few gummy months.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Jesus Jesus Jesus
I'm sitting in front of the computer listening to gospel music on Pandora. I decided to hit up something new for this afternoon and I'm being blessed. I generally listen to Christian Contemporary music. . . or Christmas or NPR or the various kids cds we have in the car. This is my music listening life. Today however something is different. I needed something different. "Jesus Jesus Jesus" is being played. I've never heard it before and I like it. Yes, I'm being blessed with new words in new tunes and in new ways. Yeah!
I made new bars yesterday for Bible study this morning. This was not a good idea. Try new recipes for good friends or immediate family-this is my tip for the day. I realized that impressing my dear friends on Tuesday morning is way too important to me. Ah. . . "Soon and Very Soon" just begun. Thank you Jesus! It is good for me to be humbled. It is also good for me to quickly try to make another batch of cookies a half hour before going to church and having that go. . . horribly wrong! It was horrible, it just wasn't right. I disregarding the whole "chill the batter" thing. When a recipe says to chill the batter--it means it. I also burned onions while making lunch. My house reeks and I have 20 crappy cookies on the counter. Sometimes I need that. I, I mean Gary forgot to put money under Garrison's pillow for the tooth he lost yesterday. Laugh Shanda. Laugh and have joy and clean up the onions and give the cookies to your kids and put money under the pillow tonight and realize that you are not the best. . . but you are the best for this house, for these kids, for these moments.
I'm continually being made new. I'm continually learning what it means to be a better mom. I'm trying to learn how to be a better wife. I'm learning.
Gary's biological father discovered five masses in his body this week-end. Well, he didn't discover them. . . but was told of the discovery by the doctors. :) Gary is looking to fly out to California sometime soon. Jerry (Gary's biological father) has opted for no treatment, just care. A friend arrived at my house on Sunday sharing with us that her mom had been hit by a car while on a walk. My friend left to go and see her mama. I would too. Her mom is going to be o.k.--lots of cuts, sore, a few broken bones. . . .Oh friends.
Life is more than good bars and praise from friends. I'm thankful for that. Otherwise, I'd be in a heap of trouble.
Soon and very soon we are going to see the King. No more crying there! No more dying there! Soon and very soon I am going to see the King!
I made new bars yesterday for Bible study this morning. This was not a good idea. Try new recipes for good friends or immediate family-this is my tip for the day. I realized that impressing my dear friends on Tuesday morning is way too important to me. Ah. . . "Soon and Very Soon" just begun. Thank you Jesus! It is good for me to be humbled. It is also good for me to quickly try to make another batch of cookies a half hour before going to church and having that go. . . horribly wrong! It was horrible, it just wasn't right. I disregarding the whole "chill the batter" thing. When a recipe says to chill the batter--it means it. I also burned onions while making lunch. My house reeks and I have 20 crappy cookies on the counter. Sometimes I need that. I, I mean Gary forgot to put money under Garrison's pillow for the tooth he lost yesterday. Laugh Shanda. Laugh and have joy and clean up the onions and give the cookies to your kids and put money under the pillow tonight and realize that you are not the best. . . but you are the best for this house, for these kids, for these moments.
I'm continually being made new. I'm continually learning what it means to be a better mom. I'm trying to learn how to be a better wife. I'm learning.
Gary's biological father discovered five masses in his body this week-end. Well, he didn't discover them. . . but was told of the discovery by the doctors. :) Gary is looking to fly out to California sometime soon. Jerry (Gary's biological father) has opted for no treatment, just care. A friend arrived at my house on Sunday sharing with us that her mom had been hit by a car while on a walk. My friend left to go and see her mama. I would too. Her mom is going to be o.k.--lots of cuts, sore, a few broken bones. . . .Oh friends.
Life is more than good bars and praise from friends. I'm thankful for that. Otherwise, I'd be in a heap of trouble.
Soon and very soon we are going to see the King. No more crying there! No more dying there! Soon and very soon I am going to see the King!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Gotta love him
I get woken up by someone in my family almost every night. I also sometimes wake up to use the bathroom. That is less an indication of my older age and rather the result of my drinking a caffiene free Diet Coke right before bed. Ahem.
I am accustomed to the usual bad dreams, wet pants, teething, falling out of bed, afraid of the dark, random crying and once an "I just missed you mommy." Add to that my husband who is on call every few weeks and receives phone calls and text messages in the middle of the night. I also have times when I just wake up for no apparent reason and am led to pray. I really don't mind those times because it brings friends and family to mind. Plus, I feel honored the the Lord trusted me enough to wake me up and do a little work. :)
Last night was a new one.
Sometime after 3:00 I was awakened by a push on my shoulder. This would be Garrison my strongest son.
"Mom, I swallowed a silly band."
"What?"
"I swallowed a silly band."
"What are you doing with a silly band in the middle of the night?"
"I put it in my mouth and then I just swallowed it."
"Well, go get a drink and you'll poop it out sometime tomorrow."
"What?!?"
I poke Gary in an effort to get some confirmation that I indeed speak the truth. "Gary. . . Gary. . . Garrison swallowed a silly band. That isn't any big deal right?" "Yup." (Gary has no recollection of this conversation.)
"See. Now go get a drink and get back in bed."
Garrison left and fell back asleep. I think that is what he did. I hope that is what he did. :)
When I got up in the morning I wondered whether this conversation had indeed happened. I found out that it was true. All true. I overheard Garrison telling Simon about the silly band. I found myself smiling and thinking that I love my life and that I will have to blog about it! This isn't one I'd like to forget.
I am accustomed to the usual bad dreams, wet pants, teething, falling out of bed, afraid of the dark, random crying and once an "I just missed you mommy." Add to that my husband who is on call every few weeks and receives phone calls and text messages in the middle of the night. I also have times when I just wake up for no apparent reason and am led to pray. I really don't mind those times because it brings friends and family to mind. Plus, I feel honored the the Lord trusted me enough to wake me up and do a little work. :)
Last night was a new one.
Sometime after 3:00 I was awakened by a push on my shoulder. This would be Garrison my strongest son.
"Mom, I swallowed a silly band."
"What?"
"I swallowed a silly band."
"What are you doing with a silly band in the middle of the night?"
"I put it in my mouth and then I just swallowed it."
"Well, go get a drink and you'll poop it out sometime tomorrow."
"What?!?"
I poke Gary in an effort to get some confirmation that I indeed speak the truth. "Gary. . . Gary. . . Garrison swallowed a silly band. That isn't any big deal right?" "Yup." (Gary has no recollection of this conversation.)
"See. Now go get a drink and get back in bed."
Garrison left and fell back asleep. I think that is what he did. I hope that is what he did. :)
When I got up in the morning I wondered whether this conversation had indeed happened. I found out that it was true. All true. I overheard Garrison telling Simon about the silly band. I found myself smiling and thinking that I love my life and that I will have to blog about it! This isn't one I'd like to forget.
Friday, February 3, 2012
14 days of love
Amy from my adoption on-line community throws a love party the first 14 days of February. Mmmm. . . I just might do the same. (Typing out loud.) Anyway, she asks all of us adoptive mamas questions and then everyone who answers is entered into a drawing for the day--usually a gift card. Starbucks, Target, Bath and Body Works. . . something that is easy to ship and works for folks all over the country. We live all across the United States and it is cool to pray, cry, laugh with, laugh at, and rejoice with these folks.
Today we were asked to write down five things that we are thankful for. She acknowledged that we all love our Father, His Son, our husbands if we have them, and our kids. She wanted us to look around us. . . our very usual day. . . the ordinary. . . and share what we are thankful for. I thought I'd share my list with you. It will also give you a picture of my early morning.
Today I'm thankful for:
1. Having another box of cake mix when the first one didn't make enough cupcakes
for a 1/2 birthday treat today.
2. Forgiveness from my son when I yelled at him because of cupcake stress.
3. A husband who has a job and goes out even when getting called at 5:00 a.m.
4. For a daughter who woke up at 6:00 (boo) because now she is down for a nap
and I can check my e-mail in peace.
5. Kids who are learning to spell.
Woo-Hoo!
Today we were asked to write down five things that we are thankful for. She acknowledged that we all love our Father, His Son, our husbands if we have them, and our kids. She wanted us to look around us. . . our very usual day. . . the ordinary. . . and share what we are thankful for. I thought I'd share my list with you. It will also give you a picture of my early morning.
Today I'm thankful for:
1. Having another box of cake mix when the first one didn't make enough cupcakes
for a 1/2 birthday treat today.
2. Forgiveness from my son when I yelled at him because of cupcake stress.
3. A husband who has a job and goes out even when getting called at 5:00 a.m.
4. For a daughter who woke up at 6:00 (boo) because now she is down for a nap
and I can check my e-mail in peace.
5. Kids who are learning to spell.
Woo-Hoo!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
My new friends
Hi all!
I might know you. I might not know you. If I don't know you personally. . . perhaps you'd like to know me better. Perhaps you think I'm kinda a crazy nut. Perhaps you wish I blogged more or maybe less. Perhaps you joined in our adoption journey and are disappointed there aren't more posts about that. Maybe you've been learning about addiction or living as an addict or living with an addict or you know my folks. Maybe you've been drifting off because the drama is for the most part gone. Let's face it, we like to read about drama. Maybe you love me and are a part of my life whether weekly or yearly.
I've been thinking about such things because I follow a number of blogs. I don't have them posted on the side bar. I'm not so talented as you've gathered. Some are dear friends. Some are folks that I know, but not on a regular friendship kind of thing. Some I've stumbled upon be it as a recommendation, a link from a blog I follow, a common interest, or in one case. . . I hit the "next blog" button and am praying for a couple who had an embryo implantation. Exciting!
So, I've been thinking that I feel like I know these people. Anna who lost her son Jack. Never met her. Never will (until we get to heaven). I weep with her, pray for her, and have even referred to hear as "my friend". Is she? Kelle lives in Florida and is a photographer and author. I know we would get along. . . except I think we really wouldn't get along. I want to get along with her. I want to snuggle with her girls. WHAT?! I feel like I'm a better sewer because I love Rae. I don't know how to sew but feel like I totally could buy one of her patterns. I love Mondays and Thursdays because Katie comes for a visit. She might even name a cow after me and I'd be honored. I follow so many DenBleyker and their relatives blogs it isn't even funny. . . well of course it is funny.
Blogging has given me an intimacy with friends and real/imaginary people. Where are the lines? Do you feel this way about me.
See, I don't blog about everything. I'm very careful what I put on here. I'm honest-yes. I don't share everything though. I think neither you nor I could handle it. But. . . I'm curious. I'd love to sit down and ask my cyber friends a few questions--these folks I think I know and love so well--but it is all fake. Do you have questions for me? Perhaps there is a gaping hole you'd like to be filled. Feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at s.koeman@yahoo.com. Maybe I'll chat about it, maybe I'll think about the mean things you said, maybe I'll be blessed, maybe I'll be changed for good.
I'm thankful for you. Blogging gives me a outlet, a record, a place to process. . . I find myself thinking about what I could write about. I think it is healthy for me. Thanks for reading. For this girl who needs affirmation regularly, you are certainly helping me out.
I might know you. I might not know you. If I don't know you personally. . . perhaps you'd like to know me better. Perhaps you think I'm kinda a crazy nut. Perhaps you wish I blogged more or maybe less. Perhaps you joined in our adoption journey and are disappointed there aren't more posts about that. Maybe you've been learning about addiction or living as an addict or living with an addict or you know my folks. Maybe you've been drifting off because the drama is for the most part gone. Let's face it, we like to read about drama. Maybe you love me and are a part of my life whether weekly or yearly.
I've been thinking about such things because I follow a number of blogs. I don't have them posted on the side bar. I'm not so talented as you've gathered. Some are dear friends. Some are folks that I know, but not on a regular friendship kind of thing. Some I've stumbled upon be it as a recommendation, a link from a blog I follow, a common interest, or in one case. . . I hit the "next blog" button and am praying for a couple who had an embryo implantation. Exciting!
So, I've been thinking that I feel like I know these people. Anna who lost her son Jack. Never met her. Never will (until we get to heaven). I weep with her, pray for her, and have even referred to hear as "my friend". Is she? Kelle lives in Florida and is a photographer and author. I know we would get along. . . except I think we really wouldn't get along. I want to get along with her. I want to snuggle with her girls. WHAT?! I feel like I'm a better sewer because I love Rae. I don't know how to sew but feel like I totally could buy one of her patterns. I love Mondays and Thursdays because Katie comes for a visit. She might even name a cow after me and I'd be honored. I follow so many DenBleyker and their relatives blogs it isn't even funny. . . well of course it is funny.
Blogging has given me an intimacy with friends and real/imaginary people. Where are the lines? Do you feel this way about me.
See, I don't blog about everything. I'm very careful what I put on here. I'm honest-yes. I don't share everything though. I think neither you nor I could handle it. But. . . I'm curious. I'd love to sit down and ask my cyber friends a few questions--these folks I think I know and love so well--but it is all fake. Do you have questions for me? Perhaps there is a gaping hole you'd like to be filled. Feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at s.koeman@yahoo.com. Maybe I'll chat about it, maybe I'll think about the mean things you said, maybe I'll be blessed, maybe I'll be changed for good.
I'm thankful for you. Blogging gives me a outlet, a record, a place to process. . . I find myself thinking about what I could write about. I think it is healthy for me. Thanks for reading. For this girl who needs affirmation regularly, you are certainly helping me out.
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