Baby Steps

No, my newest daughter isn't taking baby steps yet. She began to crawl today though. Real, knees and hands crawling. I'm trilled and upset all at the same time.

We are in baby steps with dad. He finishes his treatment this week in Traverse City. He'll be returning to Holland toward the end of this week. He seems to have made some really good strides. He is identifying areas in which he has hurt us. He even apologized specifically to my mom for some of the things that he had done to her. We've never heard any of that, even after the other "detoxes". It is a HUGE part of AA recovery. My heart is thankful. He also realized that he can not just jump into the family. He'll need to sign a sobriety contract and earn our trust back. That will take a lot of time. Perhaps he is beginning to walk the road of sobriety.

For the past month, dad has been in the care of others. He has lots of fellowship, lots of therapy and no opportunity to go off program. It has been a good month for him. The true test will begin soon. He'll be living in a house that he is renting. He'll be living by himself. He'll be responsible to reconnect with his AA sponsor, to go to counseling, to buy his own groceries, to find ways to occupy his time, and to stay off of medication. I'm very wary because I've been here before. Do I think dad can do it? Yes. Do I hope and pray that he does? Yes. Do I think he will? Well. . . one part of me ways he will, yet the guarded part of me, the part that has seen him for the past 15 years, that part of me that doesn't want to open the door of my heart nor my children's hearts again. . . that part has a hard time thinking that he will. I know he can do it. My dad, he is one determined fellow.

We watched slides at our family Christmas party this week-end. I saw my dad camping, hiking, water skiing and having so many fun adventures. We celebrated the dad that always made us go out and "do things" even when we wanted to just stay inside and do nothing. He pushed and pushed and was determined to have fun with his family and to never be handicapped. I really hope that this dad shows up later this week. I'd like to see him again. As always, we covet your continued prayers.