He is choosing to listen to people who tell him what he wants to hear. He finds people who don't know his story, who see an old gentleman who is missing a leg, whose family has abandoned him (this of course is not the truth!) and who think that dad is perfectly charming (that is the truth!). :) These folks tell dad that he is doing the right thing. They tell dad that he is going to be fine. They tell him that medication will help him feel better. Dad doesn't want to talk with me, my brother, my mom, our counselors, many of his friends, his AA sponsor, many members of his family. . . according to dad, they don't tell him the truth.
Or course, I believe that I am speaking the truth. Why do I think that I am the right one and that dad is not? I first begin in the Word. I go to Christian advisers. I listen to experts on addiction. I drink up advice and encouragement from those who have "been in the same boat". So it seems, we are an an impasse and one of us is going to have to give in. Let me tell ya, it would be so much easier to give in! I'm learning that addicts are so very smart and man, can they wear you out!!! He spends so much time finding ways to "wear us down". It would be easier to say "fine" and be done with it. Dad often acts like my four year old who keeps on asking in an effort to wear me down, which sometimes happens I might add. BLECK! The more difficult path instead is to stand in the truth: despite dad's manipulating. Despite the condemnation of those around us. Despite the roller coaster ride that is our life (especially my mom's!) Despite the losses of sleep, time, and so much money. I keep repeating that truth will rise. God's truth always rises to the top. I must stay in the truth, stay in the light, and stay the course.
So, why stay in the drama? Because I LOVE MY DAD. If I didn't still love him and still care about him and still want him to get better, then I'd be done with him. I'd tell my mom every day that she needed to kick him to the curb. I'd take his picture off of my wall. I'd stop talking about Gramps with my kids. I'd stop praying about it. Sometimes doing the right thing is doing the hard thing. We love dad, so we are going to do the "right" thing, even if it is so much more difficult. Hopefully the scales will fall from his eyes and he'll see someday.
Also----here is another tough part. Have I ever disregarded a friend because they didn't tell me what I wanted to hear? Have I chosen friends wisely and am I willing to listen to truth from them? God has given me an amazing helpmate. Am I letting him help me? Am I asking him to share difficult truths? If I'm asking Dad to grow and work to get better, I'd better be willing to do the same.
1 comment:
ok-crying like a baby here...partly because i love your dad so very, very much, partly because of how much he's hurting all of you, partly because you dare to do the 'tough love' thing, but mostly because he's missing the point of how much he's loved! my parents did 'tough love' with me and, while i hated it at the time, i am the person i am today because they dared to stand and tell me that it's God's way or the highway. keep strong, sweetie, and know that you are doing the RIGHT thing!
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