New normal

Tomorrow we get up early and go to the American Consulate to take our oath.  It is the second to the last step to finalize this adoption.  Second to the last step.  After we promise to take care of Michael, then we just have to wait for his visa so that we can travel home.  
Travel Home.
In my devotion this morning, I studied how God keeps His promises.  Christ will come again and we will all be doing home.  It has really hit me these past two weeks in thinking about Michael coming home and I think there are a lot of similarities.  We chose Michael and God chose us before the beginning of the world.  There was a lot of sacriice.  Michael heard that his parents were coming, but didn't exactly know what that meant.  I know that Christ is preparing a place for me, but I'm not exactly sure what that means.  I know that Michael is scared--how could he not be?  He is leaving all that he knows and hopefully he trusts that what we have in store for him is for his good--his life will be better--he is no longer an orphan!  I believe God has the same intent for my life.  I trust Him, but sometimes I don't want to give up what I have here. . . not knowing that what lies ahead is oh so much better!

Last night while we were lying in bed, I was thinking about home.  I'm thinking about going home more and more these days, especially when I see my Noel struggling a bit and getting weepy.  It makes me weepy too.  The end is in sight and I'm ready to go.  I said to Gary, "I wish I was going back to the old normal."  I'm a little afraid of what lies ahead.  I loved my life before I left.  I know my kids so well, we work together, we know each other's buttons. . .it just works.  I want that life.  I just want Michael in it.

Gary replied, "There is going to be a new normal."  Yup.  The problem is that the new normal won't be so normal for awhile.  Things are going to be hard next week.  Yes there will be joys and I anticipate seeing the amazing hand of God at work in Sprick Nation, BUT my life as I know it, the normal that I like. . . won't ever be the same again.  We will have to adjust to each other.  I'm going to have to work much harder in my family.  We'll have to figure out how we fit together now.  Next week will also be hard because my boys are coming off a "buffet for every breakfast/hotel pool for two weeks" kind of time and my girls are coming off of a "lots of amazing attention from Grammy and friends" kind of time.

So while I'm very excited to go home, I'm not so excited about the week ahead.  Am I allowed to say that?  Yes.  When we adopted Simon I didn't talk about those feelings because I didn't think they were Christian.  I loved Simon, but I didn't like him as much as Garrison and Noel.  I felt like I was babysitting for so long.  That is o.k.  I'm being obedient.  I know that over time we will adjust.  Michael will learn how a family works.  I'll learn how he works.  And then someday in the future. . . maybe three months. . . maybe six. . . maybe more. . . I'll lean over to kiss him good-night or I'll take a quick peak at him during prayer. . . and I'll realize that I love him just like the others.  There is no distinction, no difference.  He'll be my son in my heart as well as in my head.

So I'll grieve the loss of the family unit that I loved, and I'll look forward to the family unit that I know I will love.  In the interim, I'll lean heavily on The Lord and maybe even on you.  I'll allow myself some extra grace.  I know God does that with me every day.