tears

I've cried every day for the past couple of weeks.  This probably isn't a surprise to you at all.  First, I'm a crier. Second, Simon.  Third, blessings.  Seriously.  I think that I've been shedding more tears about the care being shown to us than the whole Simon thing.  That might not be exactly right, but it is close.

Sure I cried when I had to tell Simon he was going to have surgery and his eyes filled up and he begged me not to do it.  I cried yesterday when he asked my why surgery was good and I explained that without it he would have died.  I cried when I saw his pain during the insertion of the ng tube. . .when he couldn't get his breath. . .when I told him he'd have another surgery. . .when we were told that there were more abscesses.  On and On.

What has surprised me is the outpouring of care.  I've been crying because every day we have been surprised by folks.  Special gifts.  Very unexpected.  Care packages on our porch.  Visits at the hospital.  We are receiving cards from people we don't know.  Garrison, Noel and Penny are also receiving gifts and cards.  I didn't even begin to think about the cost of gas, but others did.  I couldn't figure out how to get groceries but others did.  Since I love to cook I thought I could keep up: I couldn't and folks have been taking care of that issue.  Offers of taking my kids for days at a time.  Simon has received boredom busters galore and I bless God for that because as he is getting better, boredom can come creeping in.  Someone offered to pick up Garrison and bring him to school.  It may seem little, but I cried because I didn't have to think about it and plan for it--or forget about it!           One person even offered to get some Diet Mountain Dew for me.  Mama Petty flying here (oh there I go again!) and Mama Koeman and her constant babysitting and cleaning my house. . . . We are so humbled by the dollars here for gas and a few there for pizza and some to help with medical costs.  When we didn't even know we needed it, it was provided.

I've cried because I am not worthy of this love, worthy of these gifts.  It has been hard for me to accept.  I just want to buck up buttercup, yet I can't.  We couldn't have done this.  We wouldn't have made it without these people, without their prayers, without their gifts of time and resources.  People threw us life jackets when I thought we didn't need them.  I would have drowned.

In my devotions last week, Beth Moore talked about Job and how God boasted in His servant.  She wondered if God was boasting in us?  "Do we go through trials so that God can boast about us?" she asked.  The answer is yes.  I believe with ALL OF MY HEART that God is smiling and clapping and boasting to all the angels about the community that has surrounded us.  He is so very proud of the way you have handled your sweet selves. [Supper just came to my door by the way.  Wow!]  I am changed.  I am changed as a mama because of this.  I am changed as a friend because of this.  I am changed as a daughter and as a sister because of this.  I will always look at people differently because of this.  I will respond differently than I ever have before because of this.

It wasn't Simon's hospital stay that overwhelmed me.  It wasn't setback after setback.  It wasn't the putting together of the child care puzzle.  It was God working through you.  Tears.