Another blessing

I sat down today to write about the last month in Simon's journal.  I have a journal for each of my kids and am ridiculously behind.  My mom made AMAZING scrapbooks for each of us kids filled with notes, stories, milestones and the like.  I'm realistic enough to know that I do not have all of the same gifts as Gloria.  I do make photo books (God bless digital photos!) and I write down stats, especially in the early years.  So when Garrison was born I bought a journal just for him.  I have one for each child.  I write at birthdays, Christmas, milestones and whenever the Spirit moves me.

So last night while I was awake for two hours with a very unhappy Penelope, it came to mind that I needed to journal about our latest journey with Simon.  I wrote some specific things: dates of surgeries etc., as well as feelings that I had.  I won't share what I wrote.  It is for Simon.

What I will share is that while writing God gave me something new.  I was remembering being in the hospital with him and remembering a new love that I felt for him.  Is that even possible?  Of course it is.  I continue to learn about love and continue to grow in love, not only with my kids but also with Gary, family members, and friends.  My love for God also grows and changes as I get to know Him better.  There I was, sitting at DeAnna's playhouse while kids ran all over the place. . tearing up as God was teaching me yet again.  In taking care of Simon's most basic needs (eating, bathing, helping him fall asleep, assisting with going to the bathroom) I developed a new bond with him, one which I bless God for.  I was able to do that with all of my other kids--when they were infants.  It saddens me that I couldn't have raised Simon since he was a baby.  In a way, God gave me that experience in the hospital.  Though we are thoroughly attached, God added a new level by making Simon. . . in a very creative way. . . an infant.  I cuddled him in his bed.  I helped him eat.  I rubbed his head to get to sleep.  I kissed and hugged him more than ever.  I bathed him.  It filled a need in me towards him that I didn't know I had.  I believe it filled a need for him too.  We were both given new ways of loving each other.

So today while journaling this new truth washed over me--given by the Holy Spirit.  What a great gift!  Though given the choice I wouldn't have Simon go through this whole yucky thing--God has certainly used to to teach me, to encourage me, and to fill me!  He is so awesome!  I think it helps me to love God even more, and isn't that the point?