It isn't great to blog when you are feeling very raw, but I'm doing it anyway. Sometimes on a journey it is good to remember the real feelings and thoughts that aren't filtered--so that I can go back and see.
Good news: The first drain tube came out. Yeah!
Bad news: They discovered another abscess and put in a new drain tube. What?!?
I'm so teary and discouraged. I know he will be fine. I know His Maker holds him in the palm of His hand. I know I know I know. But right now I have tears pouring down my face and am wondering when this is going to end? When? Pastor Dominic talked in church yesterday about expectations. Well, I had some great expectations and them blam-o--what an explosion. This means more pain for my guy. This means more hospital time. This means more antibiotics and possibly a different kind. More pokes. More surgeries. More anesthesia. More bad.
Yup--it will also allow God to show us more of His goodness and grace. Right now though, I don't feel that. I don't feel the goodness and the grace. I just feel the effects of sin that is coming through suffering at the moment. I'll get there. I promise. I know God is next to us is a very real and personal way and that later I'll see.
I'm making an unexpected trip up there in a this afternoon to just be with Gary. We need to hug and pray and cry and love on Simon together. I'm thankful for folks who will drop their afternoon plans to come here for a few hours.
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